6 Reasons Why Trying To Change Someone Is A Toxic Habit We Need To Get Rid Of

Often people in our lives choose to do things that aren't right in our perception. And since perception is a new reality, instead of trying to see their life from their point of view, we try to bring about a change in them.

Why bother doing something like this? Two probable reasons - we care about them and we want to save them from themselves, or somewhere deep down we like having control over someone and feel about someone wanting to change for us.

From where I see, every and any effort put in trying to change who someone is is 100% futile. It's simple. It's who they really are. You can't change someone's true sense of being.

So if we care about maintaining peaceful relations with someone who is a lot different than we are, we either need to accept them the way they are or change ourselves and the way we look at them.

6 reasons why we shouldn't try to change someone

1. Different viewpoints

Two people will never look at the world the same way. That's the beauty of it. Everyone should bring their viewpoints to the table and help others see things they couldn't by themselves. You may be a good observer and you've seen someone looking at things in a way you think is incorrect. But it's not for you to change them, let it come naturally to them, for when it does, the process will help them evolve as a person.

2. It's a tad selfish move

Now we can all say, "it's for their good", but seriously? Who are we to decide their good. Your responsibility as someone close to them is to share your viewpoints with them and whether or not they consider it is a choice for them to make. I often see people trying to control each other to suit their own needs and fulfill their requirements and then label it as love. Love isn't about changing them, it's about accepting them the way they are and making peace with what you see as their flaws.

3. It can all go wrong

We can't keep a cat for too long from cleaning itself and a dog from dirtying itself. Similarly, we can't expect a person to not go back to who they are. Sooner or later they will go back to being who they are and realize how much they missed being themselves. All of these experimentations and exercises were for what? Nothing!

4. It's Infuriating

Every time we tell someone to do things the other way round, we are telling them that their way of pursuing things is incorrect. You can do that once or twice, after a point it's infuriating. Understand that it doesn't come naturally to them and if it isn't natural, do we even want it?

5. You're becoming manipulative

The process of trying to change someone takes up a lot of our energy and time. Once we study how they are, we work on how we want them to be, then we start using what we believe are the right set of words to convince them that they need to change. Sometimes we try to see someone else in them and hence try to change them, or fit them in our idea of perfection. What is all of this? It's manipulation. Yes, it's common, but that doesn't make it right. Does it?

6. Once can turn into twice

Once a person is convicted for a crime they've committed, even after serving their time they remain suspects in criminal activities of similar nature. It's not right, but it's probable. Similarly, once you've successfully managed to change a person, the likelihood of them changing again exists big time. Eventually, they’ll be far from who they really are and that's one of the saddest places anyone deserves to be in.

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Shreya Singhania


Shreya Singhania develops news articles, blogs and other categories of content for sports, book authors, lifestyle & fashion. A passionate writer during the day and an avid reader by night.